I Handed Out Broccoli for Halloween

Two Halloweens ago, I left out a bowl of fun-sized candies with a sign that said “Please Take
Half of One.” Shortly thereafter, I realized the mistake I made.
When I thought about the “Give me something good to eat” rhyme that follows “Trick or treat,
smell my feet…”—it hit me like a ton of bricks: how can something be “good” to eat if it isn’t
healthy? All along, trick-or-treaters had been chomping at the bit to fill their bags with nutritious
goodies. That’s where I went wrong with the half-split candies in Halloween 2024.
Wanting to be the house that stood out the most during Halloween 2025, I decided to
course-correct by handing out the treat that no one on my block would: broccoli. But believe you
me, I still gave out my goodies responsibly, handing out one individual piece of plastic-wrapped
broccoli to each one of my visitors. After all, nothing good ever comes from spoiling people.
Some kids would show up at my door with costumes that were suspiciously identical to the ones
of trick-or-treaters that I had served moments ago. Even though these doppelgangers seemed
to be telling the truth, I couldn’t take the risk of enabling a scammer in the making. That’s why I
had no choice but to disappoint these lookalikes, serving them pieces of candy instead of
broccoli.
But all in all, last year’s trick-or-treaters were incredibly well-behaved. Not once did I ever hear a
whiny variation of “Aw, come on. I can only have one piece of broccoli?!” Even one kid who
showed up to my door couldn’t stop grinning from ear to ear when I broke the broccoli out. He
was wearing a smiley-face mask.
The kids who wore masks gave the best reactions overall. And each time the maskless
trick-or-treaters reacted with confusion and/or anger, they almost delighted me as much as the
masked ones did. It’s always a treat to see kids fully commit to pretending to be the characters
they dress up as.
Needless to say, last Halloween’s broccoli was obviously a neighborhood favorite. On
November 1st, I woke up to a house covered in raw eggs. It felt good to be celebrated for
promoting healthy eating by my neighborhood, and they didn’t stop there. They also wrapped
my trees with toilet paper, which was clearly their way of thanking me for handing out a
Halloween treat that was richer in fiber.
When those fans stopped by my house, they rang the doorbell but ran off before I got to the
door. I understand that meeting a local hero can be nerve-racking, but I really wanted to thank
them from the bottom of my heart for their support. Oh, well.
Given the strong response that my broccoli got last year, I’m going to be taking it up a notch for
Halloween 2026. Do you remember those houses that the other kids in the neighborhood would
suggest visiting, recommending them like they were five-star restaurants—just because they
had king-sized candy bars? Well, this year, I’m planning on handing out king-sized pieces of
broccoli. I expect to wake up to an absolute blizzard of raw eggs and toilet paper on November
1st. If I don’t see that rewarding sight in the morning, I’ll know I didn’t do my job. Wish me luck!
Happy Halloween,
Brady