I’m Learning the Recorder: It’s Never Too Late

While being a rock star is a daydream that most of us have had, hardly anyone actually tries to
be one for real. That’s why I started to take up the recorder.
Now, it’s no secret that the recorder and I have had a complex relationship. While learning how
to play it was a part of my school’s curriculum, my life’s ambitions were taking me elsewhere in
the fourth grade. At the time, I chose to put my music career on pause so I could pursue a
dinosaur-doodling one.
When I recently realized that I’d achieved all that I could in dinosaur doodling, I figured that it
was time for me to conquer something completely new. During a night of deep thinking, I
realized that whereas the world now has more than enough dino drawings, it doesn’t have a
single musician who’s known for rocking the recorder.
After months of practice, I finally decided to reveal this new skill at a friend of mine’s dinner
party. Let’s just say the burning intensity that I brought to “Hot Cross Buns” left everyone
speechless, which was an even better reaction than the standing ovation I was expecting.
At this moment, I felt like a rock star. I even had the urge to smash a guitar. But since I didn’t
want to break my recorder, I decided to start bringing a guitar that I can smash to each
performance moving forward.
While everyone stayed speechless, I asked them if they wanted to hear another song, to which
they replied, “No, no. Please no!” They obviously felt guilty about getting a full performance from
me for free, so they just kept refusing. This was a blessing in disguise, because I actually only
know one song.
Ever since I picked up the recorder, there’s only been one problem I’ve faced, and that’s
choosing which party trick to break out. I want everyone to see me play the recorder, but I also
want them to know that I can spell the word “restaurant.” I’m actually not 100% sure if I can spell
“restaurant” off the top of my head, but that’s what’s brilliant about that party trick: no one alive
knows how to spell that word. On second thought, it could be a good idea for me to move up to
more complex instruments, like the tambourine or the kazoo.
At any rate, if you host live performances, you can ask my booking agent about having me rock
the house. His email is the same as mine, but that’s because he and I just so happen to have

the same name. Also, including corndogs in my dressing room is nonnegotiable. I’m excited for
all of you to see me play.
Rock on,
Nils